Saved, Sanctified and a Survivor of Purity Culture

Picture it! Sicily, 1912! Sike naw lol. But that’s what Purity Culture seemed like now that I look back on growing up in the Church, a quest to conservative, traditional views on sex and how it should be taught. Purity culture was a 90s sex education phenomenon in response to the 80s AIDs pandemic that focused solely on abstinence until marriage, while applying double standards between boys and girls for the consequences of failing the high expectation. If you’re a church kid, I’m sure you know the story: teenage girl gets pregnant by slightly older teenage boy in the church, who is probably in some part of the ministry. The girl gets sat down or sent away and admonished for violating the Lord’s holy temple, her body, while the boy continues on as if nothing happened. 

The effects of abstinence only sex education left gaping holes in our interpretations of sex and its value. So many have been left with feelings of shame and the belief that sex is something dirty. Others have been sexually violated, sometimes by those they respected, and expected to keep quiet and forgive. Those who blissfully “followed the rules” were met with sexual dysfunctions and minimum understanding of pleasure later on in life as if Song of Solomon wasn’t in the Bible (insert eyeroll*). Now we have a bunch of people running around here with Sexually Transmitted Diseases (known or unknown), sexual dysfunctions, or sexually dissatisfied and suffering in silence. 

Growing up, I had parents who were pretty raw about their understanding of sex to keep me from falling into the “traps” associated with having sex. My dad told me, “All men are dogs, Netta. They are just trying to get your kitty cat.” And well before I started, my mother frequently asked me if I was having sex. Nevertheless, my mother did her best by giving me sex anatomy books and my dad offered to take me to the clinic for condoms when he saw that I was dating a guy with a child.  But, I think it’s safe to say I didn’t get to develop a healthy relationship with sex either. 

Well now, I’m on a mission to shed the unhealthy views and feelings that came with abstinence-only sex education, in favor of a comprehensive understanding of sex, identities in relation to sex, kinks, and sex values varying by cultures. Follow me on my journey to becoming a F.R.E.A.K.

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